"What's love got to do with it"?
You are successful in love when love finds you and brings you joy. You, however, may
miss the beckoning of true love if your quest is premised on synthetic and cosmetic
values. A successful relationship becomes tenuous if it rests on artificial and material
standards. A successful relationship lies in the self-contained manifestation of love,
happiness, and contentment. While material acquisitions have an enormous capacity to
oil the wheels of luxury and comfort, they do not by themselves create or sustain love. A
loving relationship is a state of joy. An unhappy relationship is a state of deprivation, a
redundant encounter with misery, an impoverished life indeed.
Our call in this book is for discerned action on your part. There is no reason for you to sit
stagnant, illusively waiting for the elusive Mr. Right. In the same stretch it is unnecessary
that you remain in a miserable relationship with a loveless man, with the hope that he
ultimately will “change” and assume the dream image you have configured for him. It is
unlikely that an adult personality readily will change to meet your principled
expectations, more so if such expectations are unreasonable. You set yourself up for
failure when you erect illusionary towers and symbols of love as to the one and only man
you want and hope to meet, to the exclusion of all others. False signals fetch false
responses and unintended results. You possibly have been sending or receiving false
signals, attracting the wrong men and interacting with them in inharmonious mismatches.
This book deals in fair detail with romantic expectations and their brassbound
counterweights. A woman erects sure-fire grounds for disappointments and emotional
failure when she sets up unyielding attributes that a man first must meet before she can
let herself warm up to love’s silent beacon. We examine various personality types, and
the thwarting barriers some women set up against their own objectives. By the standards
you set, you inadvertently invite pretenders and glib actors who capably and slickly
would slip through your defenses to your emotional field. Some men have the glib flair
and faculty to pierce a woman’s demonstrative defenses, but soon after they score the
goal they depart, leaving her with heartbreak for keepsakes and remembrances.
The book will help you to understand and avoid unreasoned misperception and pitfalls in
dating, courtship, and romantic relationships. Human expectations hardly are in a
singular frame and it is unlikely that any one man will possess all the ideal attributes and
qualifications you desire. Your “ideal man” may not even exist or may be unavailable now
and at any other time, for whatever reasons. You cannot, of course, wait a lifetime for a
Mr. Right who, if he ever existed and showed up, would rank you as a Ms. Wrong, leaving
your emotion cracked at a high and dried point. To be sure, a common cause of emotional
hurt and heartbreak for many a woman is when the woman feels she has found Mr. Right
and acts on the feeling, but Mr. Right is convinced that the woman is not good enough
for him and hurtfully demonstrates his dissatisfaction.
If you sincerely trust that you are good enough for a good man, you certainly will find and
keep the fitting man, a man who without persuasion will recognize and embrace your
goodness. Have faith in your inner beauty and it will radiate outwardly to all those that
cross your path. The suitable man will show up, caught in the breezy radiance of your
inner beauty. Your watchful role is to recognize him when he shows up at your doorstep
bearing the gift of love. For now, open your heart and have it in flexible readiness. Alter
and spaciously adjust your mind’s scope to the fullness and abundance of love all
around you. Every good woman deserves a good man. FIND A GOOD MAN AND KEEP HIM.
| Find a Good Man and Keep Him for Good |
Romance Check
 | |  | |  | |  |
| ISBN 978-1-4389-1213-4 (paperback) 264 pages ISBN 978-1-4389-1212-7 (hardcover) TO ORDER CLICK HERE |
Online Courtship and Rapport - Just a Note
The Internet is revolutionary. Use online dating facilities to reach your goal. Online dating sites offer on-demand
matching services that are quite engaging, resourceful, and convenient. For online courtship you do not have to dress
up or specially prepare for a meeting with an admirer or a suitor. You can interact with a prospective mate at anytime,
from almost any connectible location. You can do so from your bedroom or kitchen, or thousands of air miles from your
home, and even from outer space. It is a powerful vehicle that revolutionizes courtship and communication modes, one
that you certainly can use to your utmost advantage. To be successful in online dating, however, you must follow a set of
operating principles and participatory ethos.
An online dating service offers complete anonymity, except for your photographic images, if posted on the site. The site
immediately offers you a convenient plank for a full-stretch screening of potential mates. It promptly enables you to weed
the field and eliminate unwanted contacts and characters without the assistive interference of self-interested friends and
relatives. A good service also gives you a global field of choices, sorted by age, ethnicity, vital statistics, and other
preferred considerations, assuming you are not self-limited by preferential constants. Online dating profoundly is rich
and richly harvestable as long as you do not stifle your options and elective scope.
A lady who has been on multiple dating sites for two years recently concluded that “there’s nothing out there.” This lady,
of course, was frustrated with the many dead-end roads on the dating sites. You certainly will hit bumpy dead ends if you
are unprepared for the many turns and roundabouts in cyberspace courtship. The lady who said “there’s nothing out
there” either was on the wrong site or took the wrong approaches to her destination. To be sure online navigation is not
as simple as going to the mailbox or uploading a billboard of photographs. There are frustrating and self-defeating
gambits as much as there mapped and tested approaches to the destination.
Find him where he is rendezvoused
There are many good men out there if only you will follow some tested roads that avoid the potholes, bypass the dead
ends, and lead to a desired destination. First, it is essential that you find and subscribe to a suitable dating service. Join
a dating community that efficiently meets your expectations in terms of choices and delivery, a site that responds to your
preferences and gives you a full scope of choices. Second, a site with the costliest subscription rate is not necessarily
the best suited to your need. The converse also is true; the cheapest is not the best. A site’s subscription price does not
guarantee success or satisfaction in delivery. An expensive dating site may offer additional features but may not serve
your primary purpose, which is to have a flexible option in finding a decent man. Find a site that saves time and delivers
satisfactory results in terms of your options and preferences.
There are tailored sites for ethnic groups, interracial singles, divorced parents, millionaire groups, full-figured women,
and so on. Some men, for example, are interested only in a full-figured woman, and if you are so figured, such a site
harmonizes well with your interest because there is a man searching for you on that site. Thus, if you are full-figured, you
waste your time interacting with men whose preference is for the thin woman. You must not waste time unnecessarily
explaining your weight-loss program, if so, to a man whose focus is elsewhere. If your dating preference is interracial, you
simplify your search process by going to a site where your potential mate also is present and searching for you. If your
quest is for a millionaire, which quest does not say much about your realism, there are sites that immediately cater to
your search objective. Move to a dating community that accommodates and serves your taste and interest.
People join online dating communities with different objectives and purposes. The tone, construct, and direction of your
profile determine the responses you receive and the kind of men that respond to you. Your membership of a dating
community implies that you already have a clearly defined purpose for being there. The assumption here is that you are
online in search of a serious relationship, whether or not you intend that it mature into matrimony. Some others are there
to chat, flirt, or for whatever other purposes. Online dating, when put to active and constructive use, is an effective
medium for making new friends or finding a loving best-friend for keeps.
Use the ‘chat’ to your benefit
The chat process makes for faster-than-email interaction and dialogue. For many, a chat conveniently takes the place of
a telephone conversation, sometimes in furtherance of a vague and aimless purpose. For others, the chat is an efficient
and immediate process for determining commonality of interests and agreeable compatibility. The chat process could be
time-consuming, but it is an effective conversational mechanism that asks questions and seeks answers without
eyeballed discomforts. Because the chat facilitates exploratory dialogue in real time, the questions you get and the
answers you give instantaneously let you know if you have a viable reason to continue the exchange. Carefully beware,
however, of what personal information you disclose in a chat or chat-room. A digital transcript of your chat stays alive
even after you have logged off or unsubscribed to the service. Your chat likely is with a total stranger, and there is no art
to determine with certainty a stranger’s sincerity or intents and purposes. Do the chat when you have the time. Use it to
assess a man’s mind or mindlessness. Indeed, you need not be a mind reader to notice the richness or shallowness of
thought in another.
Do not ignore “flirts” and “winks”
Do not ignore winks and flirts. Online dating creatively facilitates positive flirtation. Flirtation is positive when it has an
introductory purpose. The wink or flirt lets you know that someone is interested in you. Flirtation also is positive when it is
recreationally refreshing as a coquettish indulgence, a tease or play at romance. For a woman in a withering or
unredeemable relationship, the flirt may help to reinstate her self-confidence, giving her a psychological reassurance
that she still is attractive and desirable, that she “still has it” even if it is at a superficial level.
The wink or flirt button is a welcome device for breaking the ice. Quite often, however, some women expressly prohibit
men from sending winks. These women prefer written messages and conversational email. If you forbid winks, your sense
of romance is brash and predictably uninteresting. Many men and women actively are time-constrained by work, family,
calling, or career. For men the fear of rejection initially does not quite recommend or encourage direct email contact. The
wink thus serves as a feeler, a man’s shy or anonymous probe and show of interest. You might be barring a good man if
you ignored or barred all winks. Online dating is structured for winks and twinkles. You impose a countervailing rule when
you insist on “no winks.” Even then, what can you do when a man chooses to send a wink in a deliberate spite of your
stated objection? Receive and review winks, and decide whether to meet or delete the interest it conveys.
State your specific interest
There is no place online for cosmetics and superficialities. You clearly should indicate your purpose and objective on a
dating site. Your profile viewer really is not in a position, assuming he has the time, to identify your hidden objectives. If
your interest or purpose is in marriage, then it is time-wasting to say that you are interested in pen pals or casual
friendship, or that you are just testing the waters. If your interest is in love and marriage, say so. Then you will attract a
good number of men whose interests coincide with yours. Unlike traditional courtship, online courtship calls for time-
saving directness, with little allowance for protracted posturing or pretences. Your profile statement should be direct and
to the point. A dating site is not your forum for a thesis or an autobiography. “He should take time to know me,” you would
say. A profile, however, is synoptic in character and fully cannot summarize your real personality or provide sufficient
knowledge of it. So stay within the site’s prescribed minimum number of words. A wordy profile is a turn-off for most men.
A concise statement of your personality and purpose is more effective than the wordy. If you fill up your profile page with
humdrum words about you, all about you, the reader will click on the next profile.
Do not become a trophy
Seduction suggests temptation. Some experts suggest that you can and should seduce a man into noticing you. Their
suggestion is that you act sexy and sensuous, drift in aromatic fragrances, flirt generously and, as the man advances,
progressively play “hard to get.” The problem, however, is that a lot of men do not have the time or patience for a staged
show in pursuit of a trophy. Serious men in search of a serious relationship are drawn to the realistic. To be sure, online
dating does not accommodate or sustain whimsical courtship. The dating community, marked by its aggressive
competitiveness, marginalizes a solitary souvenir.
There is the Cloud-9 woman and her self-visualization as every man’s memento of accomplishment. Her bloated and
glorified sense of self, however, clouds her subjective reality. The actuality is that the Cloud-9 woman is no man’s woman
of choice. Her bloated and glorified sense of self clouds her sense of humility and modesty. In her mind, the vestment
makes the nun, especially when it is bright and flashy. In her distorted perceptions, she is like no other woman and every
man’s rare dream gem. Yet in substance she is a man’s apparition, devoid of philosophical and concrete gravitas. She
wonders why her looks and supposed charm have been ineffective in finding and keeping a lasting romance. Like a
game bird she flies and perches, with her hunters in a jolly chase ready to knock her off the twig.
While it is normal for some women to play the hard-to-get game, be aware that some men enjoy the challenge of winning
and collecting trophies. If you present yourself as a trophy, you certainly will attract game hunters. There is the case of
Jo-Anne. JoJo, as her friends fondly call her, describes herself as “lavishly beautiful.” She is one of the many women
who superstitiously complain about their perceived bad luck with men. Most of JoJo’s actual relationships have lasted no
longer than a month whereas the preceding hide-and-seek play took up three or more months. What merit was there in a
relationship that lasted only a third of the time it took to nail it down? A trophy is a token of victory. Jo-Anne’s bad-luck
relationships result from the fact that she plays hard-to-get, unnecessarily posing as a sporting challenge, to be
conquered or won with sweat.
Love is not a trophy hunt. Men generally do not like the hard-to-get game except, of course, when they play for the
trophy. Never become any man’s trophy, and do not think of any man as a trophy. The point here, as in game sports, is
that trophies are mantel pieces, shelved, dusted and admired at idle times. The winner places his trophy on a dusty or
dusted mantel and moves to the next challenge. Jo-Anne’s luckless relationships would have had a happier outcome but
for the fact that she attracted the wrong men, men who sought decorative trophies for the mantel. Unlike traditional
courtship, where chance or opportune interaction with an admirer is a ready possibility, online dating requires paid
subscription to the service. A man you meet today may be gone by tomorrow either because his subscription has ended
or he has found another woman with a more realistic constitution.
Online dating is not a sporting event, and if you approached it as such you would find a horde of gamesters winking and
twinkling at you. If you have been on a dating site for a year or more and still have not found your match, it is time you
reconsidered your online attitude to dating. You cannot be a fixed poster on a dating site. Do not take the game-play
farther than the circumstances recommend. Online dating generates an addictive tendency in the participant. If your
purpose on a dating site is simply recreational or flirtatious, you certainly will find men of like purpose. If your interest is in
finding a full mailbox each time you log on to the network, you are likely to be present and active on dating sites for a
long time, and probably lonely for a long while. When you meet an interesting man, subtly let him know or feel your
interest. It makes no sense that all you do is rove around a dating site, generate email, and return the next day for a
repeat tour. You are unlikely to recognize love when it comes your way unless you are clear in your mind and vision as to
what you desire.
The Internet is revolutionary. Use online dating facilities to reach your goal. Online dating sites offer on-demand
matching services that are quite engaging, resourceful, and convenient. For online courtship you do not have to dress
up or specially prepare for a meeting with an admirer or a suitor. You can interact with a prospective mate at anytime,
from almost any connectible location. You can do so from your bedroom or kitchen, or thousands of air miles from your
home, and even from outer space. It is a powerful vehicle that revolutionizes courtship and communication modes, one
that you certainly can use to your utmost advantage. To be successful in online dating, however, you must follow a set of
operating principles and participatory ethos.
An online dating service offers complete anonymity, except for your photographic images, if posted on the site. The site
immediately offers you a convenient plank for a full-stretch screening of potential mates. It promptly enables you to weed
the field and eliminate unwanted contacts and characters without the assistive interference of self-interested friends and
relatives. A good service also gives you a global field of choices, sorted by age, ethnicity, vital statistics, and other
preferred considerations, assuming you are not self-limited by preferential constants. Online dating profoundly is rich
and richly harvestable as long as you do not stifle your options and elective scope.
A lady who has been on multiple dating sites for two years recently concluded that “there’s nothing out there.” This lady,
of course, was frustrated with the many dead-end roads on the dating sites. You certainly will hit bumpy dead ends if you
are unprepared for the many turns and roundabouts in cyberspace courtship. The lady who said “there’s nothing out
there” either was on the wrong site or took the wrong approaches to her destination. To be sure online navigation is not
as simple as going to the mailbox or uploading a billboard of photographs. There are frustrating and self-defeating
gambits as much as there mapped and tested approaches to the destination.
Find him where he is rendezvoused
There are many good men out there if only you will follow some tested roads that avoid the potholes, bypass the dead
ends, and lead to a desired destination. First, it is essential that you find and subscribe to a suitable dating service. Join
a dating community that efficiently meets your expectations in terms of choices and delivery, a site that responds to your
preferences and gives you a full scope of choices. Second, a site with the costliest subscription rate is not necessarily
the best suited to your need. The converse also is true; the cheapest is not the best. A site’s subscription price does not
guarantee success or satisfaction in delivery. An expensive dating site may offer additional features but may not serve
your primary purpose, which is to have a flexible option in finding a decent man. Find a site that saves time and delivers
satisfactory results in terms of your options and preferences.
There are tailored sites for ethnic groups, interracial singles, divorced parents, millionaire groups, full-figured women,
and so on. Some men, for example, are interested only in a full-figured woman, and if you are so figured, such a site
harmonizes well with your interest because there is a man searching for you on that site. Thus, if you are full-figured, you
waste your time interacting with men whose preference is for the thin woman. You must not waste time unnecessarily
explaining your weight-loss program, if so, to a man whose focus is elsewhere. If your dating preference is interracial, you
simplify your search process by going to a site where your potential mate also is present and searching for you. If your
quest is for a millionaire, which quest does not say much about your realism, there are sites that immediately cater to
your search objective. Move to a dating community that accommodates and serves your taste and interest.
People join online dating communities with different objectives and purposes. The tone, construct, and direction of your
profile determine the responses you receive and the kind of men that respond to you. Your membership of a dating
community implies that you already have a clearly defined purpose for being there. The assumption here is that you are
online in search of a serious relationship, whether or not you intend that it mature into matrimony. Some others are there
to chat, flirt, or for whatever other purposes. Online dating, when put to active and constructive use, is an effective
medium for making new friends or finding a loving best-friend for keeps.
Use the ‘chat’ to your benefit
The chat process makes for faster-than-email interaction and dialogue. For many, a chat conveniently takes the place of
a telephone conversation, sometimes in furtherance of a vague and aimless purpose. For others, the chat is an efficient
and immediate process for determining commonality of interests and agreeable compatibility. The chat process could be
time-consuming, but it is an effective conversational mechanism that asks questions and seeks answers without
eyeballed discomforts. Because the chat facilitates exploratory dialogue in real time, the questions you get and the
answers you give instantaneously let you know if you have a viable reason to continue the exchange. Carefully beware,
however, of what personal information you disclose in a chat or chat-room. A digital transcript of your chat stays alive
even after you have logged off or unsubscribed to the service. Your chat likely is with a total stranger, and there is no art
to determine with certainty a stranger’s sincerity or intents and purposes. Do the chat when you have the time. Use it to
assess a man’s mind or mindlessness. Indeed, you need not be a mind reader to notice the richness or shallowness of
thought in another.
Do not ignore “flirts” and “winks”
Do not ignore winks and flirts. Online dating creatively facilitates positive flirtation. Flirtation is positive when it has an
introductory purpose. The wink or flirt lets you know that someone is interested in you. Flirtation also is positive when it is
recreationally refreshing as a coquettish indulgence, a tease or play at romance. For a woman in a withering or
unredeemable relationship, the flirt may help to reinstate her self-confidence, giving her a psychological reassurance
that she still is attractive and desirable, that she “still has it” even if it is at a superficial level.
The wink or flirt button is a welcome device for breaking the ice. Quite often, however, some women expressly prohibit
men from sending winks. These women prefer written messages and conversational email. If you forbid winks, your sense
of romance is brash and predictably uninteresting. Many men and women actively are time-constrained by work, family,
calling, or career. For men the fear of rejection initially does not quite recommend or encourage direct email contact. The
wink thus serves as a feeler, a man’s shy or anonymous probe and show of interest. You might be barring a good man if
you ignored or barred all winks. Online dating is structured for winks and twinkles. You impose a countervailing rule when
you insist on “no winks.” Even then, what can you do when a man chooses to send a wink in a deliberate spite of your
stated objection? Receive and review winks, and decide whether to meet or delete the interest it conveys.
State your specific interest
There is no place online for cosmetics and superficialities. You clearly should indicate your purpose and objective on a
dating site. Your profile viewer really is not in a position, assuming he has the time, to identify your hidden objectives. If
your interest or purpose is in marriage, then it is time-wasting to say that you are interested in pen pals or casual
friendship, or that you are just testing the waters. If your interest is in love and marriage, say so. Then you will attract a
good number of men whose interests coincide with yours. Unlike traditional courtship, online courtship calls for time-
saving directness, with little allowance for protracted posturing or pretences. Your profile statement should be direct and
to the point. A dating site is not your forum for a thesis or an autobiography. “He should take time to know me,” you would
say. A profile, however, is synoptic in character and fully cannot summarize your real personality or provide sufficient
knowledge of it. So stay within the site’s prescribed minimum number of words. A wordy profile is a turn-off for most men.
A concise statement of your personality and purpose is more effective than the wordy. If you fill up your profile page with
humdrum words about you, all about you, the reader will click on the next profile.
Do not become a trophy
Seduction suggests temptation. Some experts suggest that you can and should seduce a man into noticing you. Their
suggestion is that you act sexy and sensuous, drift in aromatic fragrances, flirt generously and, as the man advances,
progressively play “hard to get.” The problem, however, is that a lot of men do not have the time or patience for a staged
show in pursuit of a trophy. Serious men in search of a serious relationship are drawn to the realistic. To be sure, online
dating does not accommodate or sustain whimsical courtship. The dating community, marked by its aggressive
competitiveness, marginalizes a solitary souvenir.
There is the Cloud-9 woman and her self-visualization as every man’s memento of accomplishment. Her bloated and
glorified sense of self, however, clouds her subjective reality. The actuality is that the Cloud-9 woman is no man’s woman
of choice. Her bloated and glorified sense of self clouds her sense of humility and modesty. In her mind, the vestment
makes the nun, especially when it is bright and flashy. In her distorted perceptions, she is like no other woman and every
man’s rare dream gem. Yet in substance she is a man’s apparition, devoid of philosophical and concrete gravitas. She
wonders why her looks and supposed charm have been ineffective in finding and keeping a lasting romance. Like a
game bird she flies and perches, with her hunters in a jolly chase ready to knock her off the twig.
While it is normal for some women to play the hard-to-get game, be aware that some men enjoy the challenge of winning
and collecting trophies. If you present yourself as a trophy, you certainly will attract game hunters. There is the case of
Jo-Anne. JoJo, as her friends fondly call her, describes herself as “lavishly beautiful.” She is one of the many women
who superstitiously complain about their perceived bad luck with men. Most of JoJo’s actual relationships have lasted no
longer than a month whereas the preceding hide-and-seek play took up three or more months. What merit was there in a
relationship that lasted only a third of the time it took to nail it down? A trophy is a token of victory. Jo-Anne’s bad-luck
relationships result from the fact that she plays hard-to-get, unnecessarily posing as a sporting challenge, to be
conquered or won with sweat.
Love is not a trophy hunt. Men generally do not like the hard-to-get game except, of course, when they play for the
trophy. Never become any man’s trophy, and do not think of any man as a trophy. The point here, as in game sports, is
that trophies are mantel pieces, shelved, dusted and admired at idle times. The winner places his trophy on a dusty or
dusted mantel and moves to the next challenge. Jo-Anne’s luckless relationships would have had a happier outcome but
for the fact that she attracted the wrong men, men who sought decorative trophies for the mantel. Unlike traditional
courtship, where chance or opportune interaction with an admirer is a ready possibility, online dating requires paid
subscription to the service. A man you meet today may be gone by tomorrow either because his subscription has ended
or he has found another woman with a more realistic constitution.
Online dating is not a sporting event, and if you approached it as such you would find a horde of gamesters winking and
twinkling at you. If you have been on a dating site for a year or more and still have not found your match, it is time you
reconsidered your online attitude to dating. You cannot be a fixed poster on a dating site. Do not take the game-play
farther than the circumstances recommend. Online dating generates an addictive tendency in the participant. If your
purpose on a dating site is simply recreational or flirtatious, you certainly will find men of like purpose. If your interest is in
finding a full mailbox each time you log on to the network, you are likely to be present and active on dating sites for a
long time, and probably lonely for a long while. When you meet an interesting man, subtly let him know or feel your
interest. It makes no sense that all you do is rove around a dating site, generate email, and return the next day for a
repeat tour. You are unlikely to recognize love when it comes your way unless you are clear in your mind and vision as to
what you desire.
